So to be honest this website got a total of mayhaps 50 views a week back when Joel and I cared about it. BUT, hopefully I can resurrect it and give it a true aim. Not easily done with such a random imagination such as mine.

Little update; Obamas President (hell yes), I still play WoW. Joels 6th anual Eat at Joels was a success save for my dislocated finger and yet another year of people offering a pool and failing miserably at fulfilling their end of the deal.

So I need to figure out a direction to take this website. Maybe see if I cant get joel to do some nonsensical whimsical ramblings, Dr. David Scott im sure will be returning to explain more about Gnarples and Gnarplism, he hasnt been to happy with the fact that Gnarples have yet to make it onto wikipedia. Maybe Theoretical stuff with the occasional rambling. I like writing about Universal expansion and the theory of Special Relativity, it makes me feel smart.

In closing I offer you few readers to spread the gospel according to Brown pocket! may it grow into an outlet of pur geniousity and fake words!

It took a year, but it has finally happened. Barak Obama has become The Black Candidate. It’s not a role he wants, it’s not a role he needs, and it’s certainly a weapon being used against him. The problem of race began to evolve three months ago.

Three months ago, the press and the media started covering the email by someone in Clinton’s staff with the picture of Obama dressed up in Muslim garb. Black Americans are liable to become Muslims is the story that email told. It wasn’t just fear of Muslims that the email played upon, it was fear or Black American Muslims. The Nation of Islam has a powerful and sometimes negative image. Louis Farrakhan, a man who has done good things in the world, has said some blasphemous things that are destructive to politician. Obama started becoming blacker.

Jeremiah Wright made him even blacker. Actually, that’s wrong. Wright said some ignorant stuff, but Pat Robertson and other conservative ministers have said inflammatory things and their candidates still get to be friends with them. The media made Obama blacker by the way they painted Wright comments. Conservative talk show hosts were excited to spread the muck. Liberal talk show hosts were required to do so because they need viewers. No need to be honest, just make the play. Obama had to come out and tell White America how Black America often sees the world. It was a courageous speech. But he was finally speaking for Black America to White America. Before he had just been speaking for America.

Then Charles Gibson and George Stephanopoulos provided arguably the poorest contribution to the US democratic process of any national news coverage in the last 20 years. In that debate, Hilary Clinton finally got a personal chance to paint Obama, and she did. She brought up Farrakhan. The mention wasn’t useful or constructive. Obama has no ties to Farrakhan. But to a few people, now he does. It’s a question that needs to be answer. No matter what, if someone asks you on national television, “Are you friends with (insert negative image: OJ/Ted Bundy/etc)?” the viewers will think, “I wonder what merited them asking that question. There must be some tie between them.”

Earlier this week, Jeremiah Wright officially made Obama the black candidate. Obama can try to distance himself from Wright’s comments as much as possible, but lots of people have decided not to believe him. And Wright said that he represents the Black Church. He doesn’t. Leaders in the black church have disagreed, but Wright has the podium and his mics are the loudest. “Obama’s pastor represents the Black Church. Obama went to that church because he’s black, because he’s a member of Black America.”

Barak Obama is the Black Candidate now. He’s been painted and forced to become that person. Can the Black Candidate win the Presidency? Clinton wants you to know that he can’t. She also wants you to remember: Barak Obama is black.

*note: I have not decided who I would vote for between the three remaining candidates. I do find the way that this election has evolved issue-wise to be despicable. It’s everyone’s fault.

He’s finally gone. Mitt Romney, the most stubborn member of the presidential primary campaign season has given up on the Republican Nomination for this year. He didn’t get the big winner-take-all states on Super Tuesday and didn’t carry the south at all.

Romney did manage to pick up 270 delegates and many of them get to go elsewhere. If a candidate
“drops out,” delegates won on a district-wide level stay with the candidate, but state-wide delegates get to be re-apportioned by the respective state parties. There aren’t actually a ton of state-wide delegates on his side because he didn’t win the winner-take-all races that McCain did. Montana’s 25 delegates were his only winner-take all delegates. He also took all of Wyoming (8), Maine (18), Minnesota (38), Colorado (43) and Utah (36).

Since Romney “suspended” his campaign, all of his delegates will be allocated by the state party.

So where will those redistributed delegates go? While Romney has been battling Mike Huckabee for the conservative vote, he didn’t win many conservative states. He won states like Massachusetts and Maine, neither which has a strong conservative base. Maine is very libertarian. (Ron Paul anyone? no.)

Let’s say Huckabee takes all of Romney’s delegates. He’ll still be 200 behind McCain’s. But Huckabee won’t get all of them cause those non-conservative states will be apportioned to McCain too.

Plus, McCain is polling at 45 percent nationally. If he gets about 45 percent of the delegates from here on out and Huckabee gets 55 percent, McCain will end up with over 1,300 delegates. That’s 100 more than necessary to win the nomination. That assumes that EVERY SINGLE ROMNEY SUPPORTER votes for Huckabee from here on out. As that is wholly implausible, McCain should win this by an even bigger margin. If McCain wins Virginia next week, the battle is over. Huckabee needs to win by a lot to show that he has momentum.Virginia is winner take all, but it’s only enough to put him within 300/350 of McCain.

The other remaining major states - Ohio, Pennsylvania, Texas - aren’t winner take all, so McCain will still get delegates. Only Pennsylvania is a closed primary.

Huckabee doesn’t stand a chance. He would need everyone to vote for him, not just some. The conservatives only sort of like him anyway, at least the party conservatives.

Plus, Virginia was a state that leaned very strongly toward Guiliani. I expect McCain to take Virginia by a nice cushion. At that point, it really is game over.

Don’t expect Romney to be gone for good. He’ll be running again in 4 or 8 years. That’s what he wants to do and that’s who he wants to be. He suspended his campaign. Be ready to welcome him back.

UPDATED: Romney said he was dropping out so McCain could make sure that the Republicans win. Expect that to help swing more Romney supporters toward McCain. This also puts pressure on Huckabee to drop out so for the same reason.

SECOND UPDATE: Simon Owens of Bloggasm posted this wonderful picture:

Super Tuesday, like so many Tuesdays, will tell us everything we need to know about life. But since we are impatient, I will proceed with explaining what is going to happen and why, as always, you shouldn’t care.

Hilary and Obama will still be talking smakc on Feb. 6th.

The votes are going to be split. There’s no winner take all nonsense like the Electoral College. Hilary has decided to kill Obama with kindness it seems. That might work because she’s really bad at kindness so there’s a legitimate chance that she could screw up te process and actually lop off his head. (”I tripped while running with pruning shears. What a tragedy!” cue tears) It seems that she’s decided that Obama is just too good looking to defeat with experience. She’s losing too many women to his charm and comforting voice. But she has a method to win them back - becoming a woman. Robo-Clinton has not been a woman for many years now. If fact, I’m often astounded to discover that she gave birth. That may be the inspriation for her non-genderness though. She saw Chelsea and was like “EEE! Not makin’ that mistake again.” Well, she’s determined to become a woman again. And by woman, I mean stereotypical mother figure. She is going to show that she cares. She is going to cry. She is going to talk about Bill. She is going to put on some rouge and climb into the tub fully clothed, rubbing her stockinged foot up your… you get the idea.

Obama on the other hand has decided that being even with her that he would abandon his former campaign of superiority and bash her. It’s brilliant. He does everything indirectly. “I will not be elitist.” “I will not waffle on issues.” “I will not use my campaign to twist others’ words.” “I will not look like poorly kneeded dough.” I will not have sexual relations with that woman!” His agressiveness and condescension is quite amusing. And it’s a good thing he is for equality.

On a side note, I’d like to point out that Obama plays a Kanye West song before he comes out to speak with black voters and younger voters. When he speaks to white older voters, he plays U2. While the differentiation is not entirely racial, it is somewhat racial. He plays to his crowd well and pleasing th crowd is the idea. But it still comes off as though he’s trying to be everything to everyone. He’s the black guy to the black and young voters. He’s the liberal guy to older and white voters.

Huckabee will be angry

Unless he is within 100 delegates of first place, Huckabee will be angry, not with you, but with the press. And he’ll have every right to be. One of the failures of the debate formats used in the primaries is that the less popular candidates do not get the opportunity to speak as much. They have to make an impact in one tenth the time. Huckabee has gotten more than that. He did win Iowa, but now the press has gone to a “what have you done for me lately?” attitude toward him. Lately has been reduced to a one-week window.

It’s not like McCain and Romney are blowing him out. The press decided that McCain was the frontrunner because they like McCain. He’s easy to support. Plus, he has the best chance to win because he has name recognition. Romney is the slick guy who I don’t understand why anyone supports him. I don’t support my local used car salesman (Charlie Faulk, for the record) for anything, especially not to run my country. Wait, on second thought, a used car salesman could be a master politician internationally because they are very goal oriented. Charlie Faulk for President!

McCain and Romney are the members of a supposed two-man race. By the press referring to the Republican race that way, Huckabee has lost thousands of votes and a chance. Barbaro is dead folks. I know it’s sad, well, actually I don’t really care, but some people think Barbaro is dying. That doesn’t mean that we should cover the primaries like a horserace to make up for it. Some voters will have given up and decided to vote for their second best candidate instead of Huckabee. And in this case, it is the press’ fault. Not that the press has a good track record in elections. They didn’t call out Bush in 2004 about any of the Iraq War stuff and didn’t hold the Dems accountable for not getting anything done after 2006.

Ron Paul will still be Ron Paul

Ron Paul will still speak his mind. He has managed to, by being in this race, make himself a nation name. Not everyone knows who Ron Paul is, but as long as he is in Congress, he has earned himself a greater voice. He’ll get quoted more often and have a more significant effect on the decisions made in DC. He doesn’t need to win more than the few hundred delegates he’ll end up with. The longer he stays in the race, the more people will hear about him and the more power he’ll have gained. Maybe we can finally get through his pet project - reinstituting the gold standard.

McCain will be the big winner

The Democrat’s nomination process will go on forever. The Republican process ended when McCain won New Hampshire. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again - all McCain needed to do was gain a little momentum and he became the favorite. Everyone already loves the idea of a Maverick. Remember after Air Force One came out, people kept asking Harrision Ford if he would run for President? Harrison Ford has always been the likeable, snarky, heroic scoundrel. That’s the role McCain is going for. He’s the Han Solo of the presidential race.

The epic battle has come for the hearts of America. The battle will be won and lost not actually in the hearts of America. It will be won based on the wholly esoteric concept of Conservatism. And any hearts that do change sides based on this battle we can assume are idiots.

The media decided a few years ago to define Conservative as “(1)that which is of or related to the ideals of Reagan (2)ideals of the 1950s (3)a school of thought that preaches fiscal discipline and federalism while expanding the national government.” Honestly, I think Reagan would be appalled.

The media covers each party based on the idea of “Liberal” and “Conservative” and pundits argue over who is the real thing for either. According to Rush Limbaugh, Ron Paul and Mike Huckabee are not the real thing. Others claim that one or both is. The logic is usually this - “these are my ideals, and I consider myself a conservative. I want (insert candidate’s name here) to win, therefore he is a real conservative. A Reagan Republican.” Far be it for me to criticize the logic of others, but I know six year olds with polemics about why they shouldn’t have to eat broccoli that are better than that one.

But the media fuels the fire. That makes sense, as the media started the fire. (Oh shit, someone let Billy Joel know!  I want a sequel!) The media decided that issues are not sexy. People want to know what to believe and why. The easiest way to provide said information is using keywords. We focus on those keywords, usually meaningless ones such as conservative. They are meaningless because the meaning is subjective. If the meaning is subjective then there is no inherent definition. If there is no inherent definition then using the word does not provide an intended meaning to the recipient. If the intended meaning cannot be reliably broadcast then the keywords are meaningless. The government also trades in keyword ideology. Think “person of interest” or “national security situation” or “no,” all of which have varying meanings depending on the situation.

But John McCain and Mitt Romney have decided to fight over the word conservative. They believe that what really matters to the voters, what will really change the election, what will prove their worth as a presidential candidate is the idea of conservatism. That sort of argument is what ruins ideals and beliefs because no longer is the candidate running based on what he or she will do to help the county. No, the candidate is running solely on personality and a vague, meaningless concept. (If you weren’t aware, exit polls show that this is exactly how the Democratic primary is being run. According to a report on NPR by some researcher, there is no significant correlation between values and issues and who voters have chosen between Hilary and Obama. Brilliant.)

So by next Wednesday, we’ll know who the true conservative is. The media will have told us. Whoever has the most delegates after Super Tuesday will be referred to as a conservative powerhouse and other throwaway phrases. Come November, the voters will ultimately have to choose between two candidates trying to be more “moderate” than the other, while also arguing about conservatism and liberalism. At some point, some one will argue that the other candidate’s health care plan isn’t fiscally responsible, a common conservative keyword that now has no meaning whatsoever, even less of a meaning than conservative. That argument will be ignored because at some point, Tim Russert will as each candidate which on is more moderate and that little part of your brain that operates based in logic and the real world will shrivel up and die.

If America (the world?) is lucky, voters will consider titles beyond conservative, moderate, and liberal. The battle won’t be just about compassionate conservatives or luscious liberals, but about who can help the country more. That would be surprising since nomination battle is easily summarized as a playground namecalling game: “No, I’m the Conservative.” “No, you’re a social liberal.” “Reagan loves me best.” “”No, I’m the Christian candidate.” “You are an idiot.”

Okay, so that last one is applicable to all of the candidates. The point remains the same - tags are the most important thing in elections right now so everyone is fighting over labels that win votes, but don’t win hearts. (by hearts, I mean ideals and beliefs - that which you hold close to your heart.) It’s best to win the hearts and minds of voters, but right now all that is being fought for are the ears and eyes.

No one thought you had a chance
You flawless hair disturbed us
The ladies wished you’d lose your pants
They want to smell your Senate musk

But dark man cometh has good looks
Better than your own, mayhap
No southern twang pronounced his hooks
But no whiny squeak did his voice entrap

And Monster Mash, her drooping face
Scares anyone to glimpse her smile
Your luminous grin your cheeks did trace
But you are not for hire

Lessons learned of socialism
Say it will not win November Battles
You proved the books of Darwinism
By showing you’d learned little

Your voice stirred some, but not enough
What would you have done if Iran played rough?

Answerless, you bid adieu to your future White Houses
And inter yourself in Congressional ‘Whereas’es

As criticism of the common debate format and lack of information flows constantly, I reccomend that you read about a better way. I hope you recognize the brilliance in the ideas put forth. Lead a fifth grade class for a year? That’s training! Cause what are congresspeople but fifth graders who over ride in the back seat of a Lincoln instead of a van or a Honda.

156 delegates.

The eighth highest number in the country.

3.3 percent of the nation’s population.

That’s how arrogant the Democratic National Committee is. They decided months ago that for violating the party’s rule that the Michigan primary wouldn’t count. It’s like it never happened. In fact, it really didn’t happen, since Obama and Edwards weren’t even on the ballot. Hillary was but it’s not like she thought it was a real election. There’s a reason that the press made a huge deal about Romney winning a state he was expected to win, but failed to mention anything about the Democrats.

An explanation:

The rules, unanimously passed in 2006 by nearly 450 Democratic party activists across the country - including Florida - are clear and leave little or no leeway for Dean to waive them: Any state that violates the schedule set by the DNC loses half its delegates to the national nominating convention and any candidate who campaigns in that state will forfeit all delegates from that state.

But it gets better! Florida, with the country’s fourth highest population, also won’t get its delegates seated. The candidates won’t be ignoring it though. It’s too important and worth too much - almost six percent of the delegates are up for grabs. Plus, it will be a huge momentum booster before Super Tuesday.

The NY Times has an excellent article about it. It says that the candidate actually gets to choose whether to seat the delegates come convention time. What candidate is going to say no?

The problem is that the rulings by the DNC affect the actions of voters. That’s a dangerous precedent. I don’t want primaries cropping up the December before elections either, but this is the wrong way to go about it. If the DNC wants control, don’t punish the voters, punish the state committees. At least Howard Dean is in charge. He’s a reasonable fellow, right? Old, senile people and poor, blue collar people shouldn’t have a say anyway.

No longer is tadpole the winner.

John McCain is now the favorite for the Republican nomination. Favorite overall? Maybe.  Check out my odds for the election. I am not Vegas. I am better than Vegas.

To win the Democratic Nomination:

Hillary Clinton 2 to 1

Barak Obama 5 to 2

John Edwards 10 to 1

Al Gore 5 to 1 (you know he’d be right in it)

Jimmy Carter 3 to 2

Bill Richardson, Dennis Kucinich and Joe Biden Trifecta: 2 to 1, if its to see who drops out of the race first.  To win, 1,000 to 1

To win the Republican Nomination:

John McCain 3 to 1

Mitt Romney 6 to 1

Mike Huckabee 4 to 1

Rudy Giuliani 4 to 1

Ron Paul 20 to 1 (that low only because he, like McCain, if he had one big performance, he could go on a run)

Fred Thompson 15 to 1

Duncan Hunter 75 to 1 (no really, he has a delegate. From WYOMING)

Now let’s consider the actual Presidential race. These may seem odd compared to the original odds, but its a comparative thing. I’ll explain a little within the odds.

Hillary Clinton 5 to 1 ( if she gets the nomination, she’ll be my favorite Huckabee or Romney, but against John McCain would be push)

Mike Huckabee 12 to 1 (He’s likeable, but put him up against Hillary or Obama. He’d be in deep trouble)

John McCain 6 to 1 (He loses to Barak and splits with Hilary)

Barak Obama 4 to 1 (Can you think of a candidate that would have a better chance than him. No one hates him like they do Hilary. Democrats love to call him a revolution. Republicans like how incredibly moderate he is. He is the favorite)

Rudy Giuliani 10 to 1  (He could win depending on the way that the economy and foreign issues play out. He just doesn’t have the momentum. People are anti-hate right now.)

Fred Thompson 200 to 1 (A neo-con winning? Hahahahaha! No.)

John Edwards  25 to 1 (If he somehow came back and won, he might have a chance if the economy goes down the tubes.)

Ron Paul 100 to 1 (if he made it to the election, he might have a chance, but he won’t)

Jimmy Carter 7 to 1 (Huckabee is just too clever for him.)

So there you have it. The top two favorites are Democrats. Huckabee looks like a nice guy and people will like his clever comments, but that’s not enough to win the election. McCain is popular with the Democrats so he would have a chance no matter who he faced.

If you are upset that the election is just a horserace and not an evaluation of the candidates merits, that will come. Just not from Tim Russert.

Ron Paul is running for the Presidency of the United States for the Republican Party. We at the Tuskegee Times believe that he has the ability to change the way business is done in the United States, starting with the Gold Standard.

Paul will take the United States into the 20th Century with his economic policies. This starts with the establishing of a Currency based on Gold. The United States has been slow to become a member of that European movement. Of course the Europeans are constantly trying ridiculous new things like their support of women’s rights. How did that work out for you? That’s right, your women are still ugly.

We have waited on the Gold Standard because we are better than them. We are not a sheep to the slaughter. But when those pestilent Orientals and black magic men of the West Indies chose to make the move, we knew that we must as well. We will not be last to the party as long as that party involves us becoming richer.

Paul’s policy of open trade will make us all rich beyond out wildest imaginings. Soon we will have our former colonial masters buying us flowers just to ask for a bathroom break. What will we export you say? Our natural cologne of Superiority. Our undeniable smiles of Brilliance. And a cheese wheel or two. We whites will never have to work again. The Negroes will work and on their back we will become the leader of the world. One day, I even foresee Negroes slowing down to 50 hour weeks and living in houses made of brick. That may be centuries away, but even the Negro may earn the opportunity to have sleep in a full bed. As long as he does not vote. Our industry will expand as we make Negro camps where they will work in the black smoke and labor that cleanses them of their Wicked nature. Those camps will be guarded to keep the dirty Negroes from becoming ashing our lily-white skin. After they wash, they will be welcome to exit the camp. They get to have their freedom afterall!

This is Ron Paul’s vision!

Furthermore, McKinley carries the Trident of Judas into the Church that is the United States. His first four years in office have brought nothing but boredom to this poor country. His “war” was a farce. Why should we support a man who gets us into a needless war? That is tantamount to comparing James Madison to that incorrigible hack Nathaniel Hawthorne. We hope that someone has the good sense to assassinate McKinley before he sells our future to the French.

Paul claims to even know of a pill that will prevent women from blooming with child. Such a pill would be a great boon for our society. We will be able to force the Negroes to take it until we deem it necessary for them to birth more workers. More importantly, we must stop the Catholics. The Catholics are the greatest Menace to Society. With their goofy hats and hundreds of babies, only the have the power to disrupt God’s world. We support the creation of a mechanism to force-feed these heathens this supposed pill. At first we considered having the Negroes do it, but decided that would be dangerous. The Catholics might rebel at having to come in contact with these dark peoples. Scarier still, the two groups might work together. A Negro-Catholic Alliance would most certainly bring about a plague as God smites his chosen country. Imagine the Negro-Catholics and their corruption of your children. The Children would begin dancing and singing and undertaking other enjoyable activities while becoming with child by the age of seven like all other good Catholics. The noise of happiness and more crying babies will interrupt our silent carousing and consumption of bourbon and water as we caress each other.

Ron Paul has the power to stop all that, and he shall.

In addition to his Pill, Paul supports the usage of drugs by all individuals. If we are lucky enough, he will task Secret organizations to surprise of with new elixirs to excite the mind and empower the spirit.

Our only worry is his allowance for faggotry. While he is not a Queer himself, he does allow them to exist. We at the Times would like to see Queers put on a boat and shipped elsewhere. France seems acceptable.

On the topic of France, Paul is a nonviolent character, but I am sure that he, like us, would like to see the French perish in any fashion available. While we would prefer that they die of their own accord, we are not against someone else taking them to that ball. It won’t be us. We refuse to be close enough to become likewise diseased.

Lastly, Theodore Roosevelt is a menace. Fear him. This is a man who wants his face on a rock.

This year, vote Ron Paul. He will make the trains run, make the White Man rich, and expand our minds. Believe.